Making Fertilizer

When community leaders turn turds into things that grow.

If my son hadn’t been hospitalized when he was 2 years old, would I have started this Substack? Probably not. I used to think it was weird, maybe even disingenuous, when someone (often a famous someone) would suddenly care about a particular cause after being directly affected by it. I would think “Where were you a week, or a month, or a year ago?”

But I learned it’s not really about money, recognition, or even good karma. It’s about turning a negative into a positive. If you can’t solve your own problem, maybe you can make other people’s problems easier to handle.

“Fertilizer does no good in a heap, but a little spread around works miracles all over.” Richard Brinsley Sheridan

There’s a strange windfall that occurs when someone with a moderate amount of influence gets hit with a horrible thing. Even if they don’t start a charity, or make a huge donation, they often share their experience with the world, and call attention to an issue that might otherwise go unnoticed or misunderstood. This doesn’t mean we should wish bad times on good people, but they’re inevitable, and they can benefit each popular person’s community.

Whether you’re a celebrity or not, here are ways to make fertilizer out of a stinky mess.

Share wisdom.

You don’t have to be in the middle of a crisis to learn from it. Pay attention to your friends when they describe their hardships, and (without gossiping or naming names) share those difficult lessons with others that might benefit from them. If the party you’re sharing your wisdom with seems uninterested in receiving it, keep it to yourself for now. Especially if no-one asked for your advice. Unsolicited advice is invasive and judgmental behavior, even when given with the best intentions.

Do what works.

If you have the will and the means to make actual fertilizer (coffee grounds, eggshells, banana peels, and sturdy gardening gloves), you probably aren’t going to make it just once. You’ll collect more items to add to your compost heap, turn it over on a regular basis, and spread out the good dirt when it’s ready for the garden. Just as more life experience will create opportunities for emotional growth. If you previously launched a successful fundraiser, or mastered an easy-to-store veggie lasagna, it shouldn’t be too tough to put those talents to work again. You’re allowed to be boring and predictable when it comes to helping others. Making fertilizer requires consistency. Tend those caregiving skills.

Get active.

If you’ve exhausted all of your available resources helping a friend, and you’re eager to do more, consider looking at the bigger picture. Spread that goodwill as far and wide as possible. When my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, there was only so much I could do to assist her recovery. Breast cancer is a cause that gets a lot of public attention, so there were a variety of fundraising events that we could participate in.

My wife and I signed up for the Avon 39 in her honor. We thought our distance running training would prepare us, but we struggled through the marathon one day, and half-marathon the second. It was incredible to be outstripped by people walking for their friends and family members, and women battling breast cancer. We raised money, awareness, and created tremendous positive energy for those in the fight.

The Avon 39 was gratifying, but you don’t have to light your leg muscles on fire like we did. You can volunteer at a local animal shelter, or join a protest that supports your friend’s values. Even if it doesn’t provide direct assistance with their own problem, knowing that you’ve helped others with similar issues, or brought attention to them on a global scale, your friend will likely appreciate your generosity, and even be moved by your acts of kindness.

“If you haven’t got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.” Bob Hope

No one stuck inside of an emergency wants to hear that it’s seeding the soil for good things to gradually emerge. That one day all this garbage will yield beautiful and positive crops. But as their friend, you’re in a unique position to realize that fact, and put that growth into motion. You’re not going to be harvesting happy memories overnight, but you’ll be working to make at least one person’s world a better place.

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