Gifts

What do you get the person that needs everything?

An audio version of this post is available below (for paid subscribers).

‘Tis the season! When the snow hits the fan, your first impulse might be to throw money at the problem. While this gesture is less personal than other options, it’s not a terrible idea. Odds are a horrible thing is going to hurt your loved one financially, and putting a little cash in their stocking might make their days more merry and bright. The difficult part is knowing what should and shouldn’t be on your shopping list.

“You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.” Amy Carmichael

All I want for Christmas is for my son to be healthy. Sadly, that’s not something magical reindeer can deliver to my doorstep. Several holiday seasons have come and gone since his first big health scare, and the ritual of gift-giving has reminded our family what really matters. Obviously, your loved one’s career, hobbies, and other interests dictate what presents would put a smile on their face, but if you’re looking for gifts universally loved by those in crisis, here are a few basic tips.

GoFundThem

There are multiple online fundraising platforms available, and giving a one-time, or ongoing donation to their cause is a no-brainer. There is no minimum (or maximum) amount that is “appropriate.” Your friend isn’t going to scan the list of their supporters and judge people based on how much they’ve contributed. Just seeing your name there will speak volumes. We’ve managed a GoFundMe account since our son was hospitalized in 2022, and not only is it a reassuring resource for his medical costs, it’s a wonderful way to keep those updated that are the most invested in his care.

It’s not uncommon for someone to set up an account on another’s behalf (it’s what our good friend did for us), but you only want to do this with the express permission of those you’d be helping. Some people don’t want their troubles broadcast to the world, even if it helps them pay the bills. Don’t sacrifice someone’s privacy for your own peace of mind.

There are also several known instances of fraud on platforms like this, from people asking for money that aren’t dealing with the issues they claim to be. Double check that you have the right account, and verify its authenticity with other friends and family members.

If there are no organized fundraising efforts available to you, send a check, or a practical gift card to a retail outlet they visit frequently, like a grocery store. Its arrival doesn’t need to coincide with any major life event. You don’t need to buy a sympathy card to put it in, or write a perfectly composed message. Unless your friend has made it clear they’re uncomfortable collecting monetary gifts, it will be received with great enthusiasm.

Registries

No detective work is required if your friend already told you what they want. If they haven’t set up an easy way to send money, ask around to see if they have a registry online. This can be especially helpful if you’re shopping for children. It may seem like loading up on presents is the perfect way to make a kid happy, but in the long run you’re just going to fill their house with things they don’t need. One gift they’re really excited about is better than a hundred gifts that’ll just take up space. And if items on the registry include basic household needs, you can see where your friend’s priorities really lie. Do your homework before reaching for your credit card.

Self-care

Any way you can think of pampering yourself applies doubly to your friend. Spa treatments, fancy dinners, and short vacations are things they might avoid treating themselves with, leaving you the opportunity to step in and splurge on their behalf. Even cozy slippers, fresh pajamas, or a calmly scented candle can remind them to make time for themselves, and enjoy the little things when the world takes the rest of the year off.

Service

You don’t have to break the bank to get a gift for your hurting friend. You can break your back instead. There may be a number of jobs you can do that they don’t have the time or energy for. Babysitting, grocery shopping, house cleaning, lawn mowing, etc. You don’t have to wait for a special occasion either. Any day is a good day to lend a hand.

There are also lots of tiny acts of love like recording personalized messages or sending funny memes. They can’t be wrapped in paper or put under the Christmas tree, but they’ll make your friend feel less lonely, and get them through potentially difficult times like holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries where they long for the past. If they ask you not to send money, and you can’t surmise what tangible object you can buy, leave them a message saying you’re available to listen whenever they need to talk. That can be worth more than gold.

“We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.” Winston Churchill

Giving a present often feels better than receiving one, but you still may not get the reaction you’re expecting. Your friend might be too busy to send a thank you card right away (I say this from experience). So if you really want to play Santa Claus, send something without expectation or obligation. Keep the receipt in the bag, so to speak, in case they need to return it. They may not keep a list of everyone that helped them, but they’ll never forget your generosity.

Let’s talk it out.

Happy holidays! Are you planning on spreading some seasonal cheer to those going through challenging times? Let me know in the comments.

An audio version of this post is available below (for paid subscribers).