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“These are my characters I made at LEGOLAND,” my son’s Kindergarten classmate says, while pointing at three figures standing in front of her fish tank. “This is the Head Cheerlead one, like I am. Mermaid. And Officer. Hi. Bye. Hope you’re feeling better.” The video, along with several others we received from my son’s classmates and school aides, were sorely needed, 60-second bundles of love. However brief, they created a special moment, as the hospital days stretched on and on.
"Life is like a camera. Focus on what's important, capture the good times, and if things don't work out, just take another shot." Ziad K. Abdelnour
One of the difficulties in helping people going through horrible things is the fact that they (rightfully) don’t want to be bothered. Things are bad and they’re exhausted. Every time their phone rings, it could mean things are about to get worse. So when that alert is you saying hello, calmly and positively, it can warm their heart and stabilize their mind. Like I said in our chapter about memes, it’s a reminder that the normalcy of the outside world is still there for them.
Phone calls can be stressful or draining. Leaving messages can be awkward, or give your friend a chore they have to perform, retrieving their voicemail. Recording a video, something you can watch a few times and decide to throw out or send later, is less problematic. Your friend will think “Oh, hey, they sent me a video,” instead of, “Uh oh, why are they calling me?” They don’t have to watch it right away, or at all (if they’re not up to it), but they’ll know it’s there. They’ll know you’re there. If they treasure your video messages, they can play them over and over, whenever they need to connect to someone they love.
And if you live far away from your friend in need, a video of you will bridge that distance. You can’t be there in person, but a video can be.
“Distance means so little, when someone means so much.” Tom McNeal
What’s my motivation?
It doesn’t really matter what you say or do on camera, as long as you’re kind. Keep it honest and encouraging and relatively short. You don't have to say anything brilliant or informative. Just a “hello, I’m thinking of you” is a blessing. You don’t need confirmation that they received the video, or watched it, or enjoyed it. Don’t ask them to record a video in response, but if they do, send another right back.
Need some good material? Tell them about an interesting podcast episode you just finished. Attempt a silly joke. Travel somewhere your friend likes to go, a park or the library (quiet voices, of course) or their favorite retail outlet. Record a few seconds of ambiance so they can be temporarily transported. Tell them you’ll take them there once things are calm (and then actually do it). Bonus points if you’re on vacation and send a clip from another city, state, or country. Videos of waves rolling up on the sand or a burbling creek are sure to be winners.
If you’re sending this to a child, or a family with children, read a short book. Grab a white sock and a Sharpie and let a crude puppet do the talking. If you have a child, and they’re comfortable getting on camera, have them talk about what’s happening in their world. There’s no need to get multiple takes if they spend the first twenty seconds frozen in a blank stare, or get confused while trying to explain something. Just let them act naturally. Animal videos, from a zoo or your living room, are great. Newer phones are capable of generating animated characters based on your facial movements, and you may find yourself inspired to add a silly voice.
If you like to be off-camera, point the phone at a new flower that’s blooming in your garden, show off your “to-read” pile of books, or take a walk to film the vibe in your neighborhood. When you’re out and about, if you see something that reminds you of your friend, hit record and say why. Send a clip of a movie or show that you watched together (zoom into the TV screen so it’s clearer).
Video-based social media apps (like Instagram and TikTok) also have a library of hilarious filters that can bring out your innate improvisational skills. These are good places to go if you want to be inspired, but it can also be intimidating to take in all the professional stuff out there produced by experienced influencers, editors, and comedians. Don’t get discouraged. Be yourself. That’s what friends want to see.
You don’t have to do this alone. Get the whole family involved. If you’re one member of a local gang of friends, arrange to get everyone in the same place and fill the frame. Sing a few verses of a familiar song, whether you know the notes or the lyrics. Choreograph a silly dance, or write a dumb skit. It’s the effort that counts, not your individual talents. Perform it poorly anyway. The more off key or out of step you are, the more obvious it is that you’re making yourself uncomfortable to make your troubled friend happy.
If your friend network is spread across the world, consider a video-sharing app like Marco Polo. It allows you to make a chat group where you can “converse” in short videos. It also organizes clips chronologically, so your friend can choose to binge-watch whenever they have free time, and get caught up with multiple social circles. When we were in the hospital before our kid was born, my wife’s friends used this app to keep her morale buoyed.
I’m ready for my closeup!
Unfamiliar with making videos? Have you been told in the past that you need to educate yourself regarding modern technology? Do you, as my 80-year-old mother claims, “know just enough about computers to get yourself in trouble?” Here are some simple first steps:
Set up your phone on a flat surface to keep it steady. Get close to the camera. Let people see you and hear you. Don’t create excessive “headroom,” a common mistake, where there’s too much empty space between the top of your head and the top of the frame, and not enough of your pretty mug. If all you can see is your eyes and nose, tilt the camera down.
Don’t record with a sunny window or bright lamp directly behind you. Rotate 180 degrees and put that light on your face. Don’t lean over the camera at an imposing angle, allowing your friend to count all of your nose hairs. Keep the camera as close to eye level as you can.
If there’s something wrong with your phone’s camera (or your phone doesn’t have a camera), a lot of desktop and laptop computers have a webcam installed, and the smaller exterior models (plugged into your computer via USB) are relatively inexpensive. Apps like iMovie, Quicktime, Microsoft Teams, Google Meet, and GoTo Meeting allow you to record yourself. Some of those apps you can use to have conversations with others. Start a Zoom call with a cast of familiar faces and select the option to record it.
Still confused? Get a sibling, spouse, friend, or offspring that knows more about this stuff and guilt them into assisting you. Once they know it’s for a good cause, I bet they’ll take the time to help.-
Nervous about your privacy? Don’t record inside your house. Stand in front of a blank wall or a hedge in your backyard, so no one knows where you are. Feel free to tell your friend “don’t share this with anyone,” or look up apps like Snapchat (if it’s something you know your friend uses), which deletes a video once it’s been viewed, or after a designated time has passed.
Twenty years ago, sending a friend a video of ourselves was an elaborate and expensive process. In 2025 it’s something we can potentially do by accident. But both the savviest content creator and the tech-illiterate alike can send healing movie magic to a loved one by recording something heartfelt, funny, motivational, or all three.
One more tip: watch your videos before you send them, so you’re not bewildering your friends with a shaky video of your shoes or the inside of your coat pocket.
Let’s talk it out.
Do you have any other useful tips for first time videographers? When was the last time you got a friend’s video that made you feel like a real person again? Let me know in the comments.
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