Strangers

Introducing ourselves to our friend’s helpers.

I can’t tell you how many people I’ve met in the process of helping my son overcome his medical challenges. Hundreds? Every twelve-hour shift ushers in a new cast of characters. And most of them are mask-wearing hospital workers, so I’ve likely “met” the same person two or three times. Trusting a stranger with your friend’s welfare is a leap of faith, and an unfortunate necessity in times of intense need. It gets easier the more you do it, but we never get completely comfortable saying hello to people we don’t know.

“You can still feel lonely with new people around because you need that home base.” Jacob Elordi

Emergencies can be a whirlwind of new faces. Doctors, nurses, lawyers, therapists, EMTs, social workers, caregivers, distant relatives, and friends of friends. Not only is it a challenge to organize all those names and roles in your head, it can be stressful introducing yourself over and over again. For some, meeting new people is the tallest hurdle they’ll have to jump over to get to the finish line of a horrible thing.

Here are some tips for when you absolutely have to meet strangers.

Be yourself

“But that’s the last thing I want to be!” I hear you shout from your computer. I get it, but this is not the time to fabricate your accomplishments, or try on a new, more hopefully pleasing persona that doesn’t fit you. Chances are you’re going to have to lean on both close friends and complete strangers to get through your friend’s crisis. You don’t want to make claims you can’t back up, especially if they’re all these new friends really “know” about you. You don’t need to impress these people. Be honest about your preferences, abilities, and limits, and let them formulate their own opinions about you that are almost always out of your control.

Offer a genuine compliment

It helps to start a new relationship off on the right foot, so if you find something legitimately interesting about this new person, recognize it kindly and succinctly. Something safe like “that’s a cool shirt.” This doesn’t mean you should hit on them, or continually comment on their appearance. Polite remarks can make someone feel seen and appreciated, but if they appear put off by the sudden attention, cut your losses and change the subject. Don’t feel a need to do this. Seize a natural opportunity if one presents itself.

Keep it brief

Unless you’re stuck somewhere, like a hospital waiting room, you don’t have to talk to a new acquaintance longer than you feel is necessary. If you’re not sharing vital information, and it feels like the well of interesting anecdotes is running dry, say “It was nice to meet you,” and be on your way. Seek shelter in someone you know if they’re nearby and available.

Observe situational context

When a stranger introduces themselves, your conversation doesn’t have to cover topics that aren’t related to your immediate circumstances. Your friend’s issues are likely the only thing the two of you “need” to talk about, so don’t force yourself to tell elaborate stories, or give a joint history lesson on how each of you know the friend at the center of the emergency. If your first chat veers in directions you’re not interested in, steer it back to the stuff your shared friend is dealing with, and the ways the two of you can help.

“If you think it’s hard meeting new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.” Jack Lemmon

It’s important to remember that strangers are likely as nervous about meeting you as you are about meeting them. If they act oddly at first, trust that you’ll get used to their personality quirks over time. If that doesn’t happen, you’re free to set boundaries and distance yourself from people that you’re not compatible with. As in most situations, follow your friend’s lead in terms of which friendships you should put more effort into, and which people can just stay strangers.

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