Foreword

I didn’t know, until my two-year-old was hospitalized, how important it was to have friends and family help you through horrible things. As the support came flooding in, I couldn’t stop thinking of all the ways their generous acts could go wrong. For every shot that made it in the basket, my brain registered a way it could have bounced off the rim. It's difficult to understand the difference when you’re on the outside, looking in.

The world is full of unavoidable tragedies. If you somehow manage to avoid the worst that life can throw at you, your friends and family members are bound to experience a disaster at some point, and you may find yourself at a loss for ways to support them. So the weekly discussions in this Substack aren’t for those people going through horrible things. They’re for you, the person that loves them and wants to assist in whatever they need. It’s important to note that I am not a doctor, or a psychologist. I’m just a writer and caring dad who’s been through some hard times recently, and who came out the other end stronger and smarter.

Each post will be available in text and audio, so you can read or listen. I aim to make these short, so you can skip to the topics that are most relevant to you and come away with a quick understanding of which actions work and which should be avoided. I also plan to interview those that are willing to share their experiences and offer personal accounts of what worked for them in the past when they reached out to those closest to them.

The goal is to take these points and publish them in a short book in a year or two. My hope is that it provides a valuable resource for those dealing with difficult situations to remind their friends and family that there are ways they can help that are more and less helpful, and to make careful, considerate decisions when lending a hand. The feedback I receive here will be instrumental in diversifying the book’s voice and making sure I cover as many topics as possible moving forward.

Paid Subscribers Can…

• Read each chapter of the substack one week early.

• Listen to audio recordings of each chapter, read by Brandon.

• Receive a “Horrible Helper” producer credit in the first pages of the book.

• Comment on each post to provide feedback or continue the conversation.

• Message questions for and view the occasional Q&A post or livestream.

I’ll post a new chapter every Friday, and they’ll all be free to read. The first, “Feeding the Problem,” is available now. I’ll also add monthly interviews with friends and medical professionals, getting their hot takes about the best and worst ways to accommodate those in a crisis, along with the occasional livestream and Q&A to keep you updated on what to expect from this substack in the future.

Your support, paid or not, means the world. Thanks for stopping by!